Family stories carry the triumphs and travails of people adapting to change and making the most out of challenging situations. Beleaguered by the winds of social upheaval during the advent of Communism in China, two people – and their families – were brought together by a shared craving to experience love and joyful thriving. Qin Sun Stubis’ “Once Our Lives: A Memoir” relays a multi-generational story of the struggle to find oneself while defining the parameters of freedom and dignity amid family and societal expectations. The author’s intimate familiarity with ancestral desires and longing is evident in the contours and contexts of the lives we encounter in the story.
As cultural lessons go, one of the most important lessons in “Once Our Lives: A Memoir” is the perpetuity of change and interconnectedness. A story that begins in the 1930s shares the heartbreaking realities of life in a shantytown in contrast with the opulence of rich families who unapologetically use their wealth. Stubis’ descriptive explication of the textures and intricacies of the lives of her elders allows the reader to develop compassion and understanding when the characters suffer tragedies and reversals of fortune.
Stubis proves her giftedness as a storyteller who can elicit cultural empathy and caring. Reading the book from my vantage point as a Filipino immigrant based in the U.S., the cultural beliefs in family curses, conjoined destinies, and karmic purpose are quite familiar and relatable. It was heartening to read about how Chinese women resisted and overcame the burdensome gender norms in China at the time when the worth of women was measured by their perceived purity. This is a book that requires a prequel and a sequel. Here’s putting out a wishful hope that Stubis may follow “Once Our Lives: A Memoir” with another family saga.
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